Journal Entry from 5.20.11 | Reminder

May 2011

I vaguely remember a quote that I once heard or read. It goes something like, “a true master recognizes that he has nothing to prove.” Although I can barely remember the words, the meaning of that quote sits comfortably in my mind. Mainly, because in this sense… I felt as if I fell far from being a master. So, I took this quote to meditation.

After sitting with these thoughts, I found out some deep truths. As much as it bothers me to admit it, I find myself always trying to prove myself to this world. I understand that, in a way, you have to prove yourself to make it through life. Whether it’s proving yourself to your family, your teacher, your boss and so on. It’s just when I do this- proving to others- I always find myself unsatisfied or too conscious of mistakes I may make. When you get caught up in proving to others it can make you feel as if your always trying to compete. Life is too challenging to be a competition and I just don’t want this for myself. Not only can it put a tremendous amount of pressure on you, it can also steer you away from what you want for yourself. I can’t focus my energy on what everyone else wants for/from me, especially if I’m still trying to figure out what I want for myself.

The point that I’m trying to reach is, I want to find this peaceful place where I only try to prove myself to myself and my God. These are two priorities I cannot let down. When the world has left you or when you leave this world, it’s only you and God... as one.

This idea needs not to be confused with being selfish. Not for one second am I comfortable with the idea of being selfish. It just means that while I’m on my journey, I cannot be driven by satisfying the crowd. To me, this is true mastery.

'99 Lauryn

Update: Africa is the Future

Today, I read a headline that made my day. I learned that Gambia introduced free education in all public schools for primary and secondary levels. 

I had the opportunity to study abroad for two summers in Gambia. During my studies, we had a chance to volunteer with the public school system, where I learned the need for education funding. Many families struggled to to find money to cover expenses, resulting in students not being able to attend school. When I returned in 2011, my friend Nikki and I put together a program to help support Gambian students with school cost. I made a post requesting sponsorship for students and received a good response. We were able to personally go talk to the families and schools and pay their fees with the donations we received from friends and family. We met so many promising and bright students and teachers with more passion for education than I've seen until this day. Most primary students already knew 4 languages, including English, and were really advanced in Math and Science. 

This grant is a part of an initiative to lower the cost of education throughout Africa. According to the United Nations, "school fees consume nearly a quarter of a poor family's income in sub-Saharan Africa." Recently, Nigeria also abolished their fees. 

                                 

IG Share

NicholleKobi, @Nikisgroove, is a French illustrator based out of Paris. She is adding her own concoction to the black girl magic that has been brewing so fragrantly. Her paintings represent everyday black women.

Adjusting. 11.6.15

I'm six months into my contract. So far, it has been strange, but mostly exciting. I've had a couple of fresh starts in my lifetime. I've uprooted and went to unfamiliar places where I didn't know anyone and vice-versa, so I didn't expect my move to South Korea to be seamless. I know the high and lows of of starting fresh. I know the struggle of meeting new friends as an adult, finding your way around a new city, and the abundance of solitude you're met with; which can all be exciting. Surprisingly, I didn't imagine it being as uncomfortable as it can sometimes get. I've heard many versions of the saying that speaks about the necessity of getting outside of your comfort zone in order to grow and I can see truth in it, but the hindsight I have from being outside of my comfort zone makes me question it. I understand the need to be curious about the unknown, but I guess the lesson I currently letting settle in is the importance of staying connected to the people and and things that keep me grounded. In the past 6 months, I have been flooded with new things. I've been meeting new people from all around the world and adapting to a new culture, all while staying current on American news and learning new things about our history and broken political system. As I write all this out I think my takeaway is to remain outside of my comfort zone, but do a better job of staying balanced. Stretch myself, but don't wear myself too thin. This is not an epiphany, but more so a reminder that you can be curious and content at the same time. It's cliche, but all wanderers really don't have to be lost. Stay connected.

(Ullueng Island, South Korea)

          

(Ullueng Island, South Korea)

(Ulleung Island, South Korea)

Love Notes

Make sure you save some space in your heart for yourself. Make sure you're giving yourself the same assurance, energy, time and love you so freely give out. You deserve the same fierce intensity, soft words and thoughtfulness for yourself. You cannot give away these gestures and expect the receiver to reciprocate only to fulfill the void you created by being an over-lover. You don't always get back the same kind of love you give. Love doesn't work in that order. You don't love with incentive, but with pure intentions. That's how love is effective. Remember this and keep your love honest. 

                                                                                                   

          Love you to peace,



         Ebony K. Ross

Mama Maya

Weekend Glory by Maya Angelou

(Artist Unknown)

Some clichty folks
don't know the facts,
posin' and preenin'
and puttin' on acts,
stretchin' their backs.

They move into condos
up over the ranks,
pawn their souls
to the local banks.
Buying big cars
they can't afford,
ridin' around town
actin' bored.

If they want to learn how to live life right
they ought to study me on Saturday night.

My job at the plant
ain't the biggest bet,
but I pay my bills
and stay out of debt.
I get my hair done
for my own self's sake,
so I don't have to pick
and I don't have to rake.

Take the church money out
and head cross town
to my friend girl's house
where we plan our round.
We meet our men and go to a joint
where the music is blue
and to the point.

Folks write about me.
They just can't see
how I work all week
at the factory.
Then get spruced up
and laugh and dance
And turn away from worry
with sassy glance.

They accuse me of livin'
from day to day,
but who are they kiddin'?
So are they.

My life ain't heaven
but it sure ain't hell.
I'm not on top
but I call it swell
if I'm able to work
and get paid right
and have the luck to be Black
on a Saturday night.

Love Notes • • •

Love is on your side, always. No matter how much you fight against it. No matter how many other emotions your endure, just remember to always choose love in the end. Whether you choose to leave or stay, do it out of love. Your heart tells you which direction to go, if you choose to listen to her over your ego. You're constantly being reminded of how big the world is and how fleeting contentment can be, how fleeting emotions are period. You're learning how much easier it is be honest with yourself and your feelings, and letting them have their time, because soon they'll pass- like everything else. Life is temporary. Everything is borrowed. We borrow the sun & the moon from the other side of the world. How more blatant can it be? You have this one life. You have gifts and you have a lot of love to give to your mission. Do that. Live honestly. Again, always choose love. Don't be naive to the idea of love. It's no fantasy. It's a real life, living thing. The love you have for your people and their unjust treatment breaks your heart, that's still love. You heart hasn't always been in one piece. You've been broken and deceived trying to stay in love, that's a part of it too. To get to the floor of it all, know that as confusing and as unfair as this world can be, it's not against you. There are stronger forces that are with you, cheering you on. Whether it's the love of your ancestors, The Universe, God, Jesus, Nature or all of the above; it's a strong and/or all-knowing force. It's constant, present and based in love. Be certain of that. 

Notes from Thandie Newton:

Embracing Otherness & Oneness:

*** In this 14 minute lecture, Thandie Newton discusses important points on projections and how they affect our personality. She explains how people give so much power to individualism and the things that make us different- that we begin to lose the sense of connectedness to nature and others. Newton challenges us to divide projections and ego from our true self, while offering a refreshing perspective on awareness and enlightenment. 

Notes:

• ".. I always wondered why I feel pain so deeply and always recognized the somebody in the nobody- it's because I didn't have a 'self' to get in the way. I thought I lacked substance and the fact that I could feel other's meant that I had nothing of myself to feel. The thing that was a source of shame was actually a source of enlightment." '

• "The self's struggle for authenticity and definition will never end, unless it's connected to its' creator." 

28.

I'm sitting here with my chin planted in my palm trying to figure out where to begin to describe the memories I collected from my 28th birthday week. It was majestic, to say the least.

Leading up to my birthday week, my girl gifted me a book via iTunes called Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. She told me it would be a great book to start off my new year with. Sure enough, it was. It put me in an appreciative and loving mental space.  It's a follow-up to The Four Agreements, which happens to be one of my all-time favorite books. Both books are rooted from ancient Toltec wisdom, and they discuss the fundamentals of self-love and acceptance. A lot of the principles they discuss are common things one may already know, but it makes it clear and serves as a good reminder. Nonetheless, it set the tone for my birthday month. 

From jump, I knew I wanted to spend my birthday weekend at a temple stay. The night before I was heading out, I called to make sure everything was in the clear. Unfortunately, it was booked. I was bummed, but determined to stick to plan A, so I researched other nearby temples. I randomly chose another one and set out the next morning. There is something so thrilling about showing up at the bus terminal, buying a ticket, and hoping the language barrier doesn't interfere with getting directions. I was a little skeptical along the way, because I couldn't pull up the town on my map. I was solely relying on each bus terminal attendant to lead me in the right direction. Two buses and a 3 hour layover later, I was finally on my way to Daewonsa Temple. Oddly, I was the the only person on my final bus. I was more countryside than I have ever been. It had been raining all day, but everything seemed so clear. It was non-stop green pastures with spurts of colorful trees and flowers that went on and on for my hour and a half bus ride. It was incredible. It made me wonder if bus rides had always been this beautiful, or if everything was heightened because I was alone. Finally, I had arrived at an empty lot that did not look like a temple. The bus driver motioned me off the bus, and directed me to walk up a valley. With nervousness mixed with a feeling of well, I done came this far-  I grabbed my duffle bag and exited the bus. 

Halfway up the valley, I met my host. He welcomed me and we communicated mostly through google translator. To my surprise, I was the only guest at the temple. He asked me how I heard of the temple. I answered, "The internet." We both smiled. Apparently, this temple is not known for tourism.

He showed me to my room. It was much newer than I had expected. No furniture, but I had a couple of blankets and a pillow. He gave me clothes to change into, and told me dinner would be ready in thirty minutes. I ate dinner alone. Then, we went for prayer. He showed me the proper way to bow and took me on a tour of the temple, giving me brief history. The temple had been destroyed twice, once was during the Korean War. It was one of the few temples in Korea that had a Tibetan influence. We later met up with a monk for tea time. I was a bit intimidated at first. The monks all seemed so regal and serious. They were regal, indeed, but light-hearted and friendly. We sat legs-crossed on the floor while he asked questions about my family and what brought me here. I vented about the recent shooting in Charleston. I'm not sure they understood wholly, but he shared some the hardships their country goes through and encouraged me to stay compassionate, and to try and see the world through the enemies eyes- in order to understand his heart. I tried, but realized quickly that I had no empathy to offer Dylan Roof at that time. We changed the subject to something lighter. He asked me to tell him funny stories. As terrible as I am at telling funny stories, I tried. After tea time, I went back to my room to rest. It rained heavily the entire night. I don't remember falling asleep and slept through my alarm clock. I woke up scrambling for my phone only to realize I wasn't in a rush to go anywhere. I stepped outside to get some fresh air, and I another monk invited me down for breakfast. 

This particular monk, Sig Nam, took a liken to me. I wore my hair in one of  three ways I usually style my twist, a high top bun with half down. Sig Nam played with my hair, telling me it was a Buddhist style. I didn't realize the connection at first, but remembered seeing pictures of Buddhist with coiled locks and high buns. That relation was a vivid reminder of how connected this world is. Anyways, after breakfast we went for a walk around the temple. It was past anything I could of imagined. The rain had cleared, leaving all the landscape more colorful. All the flowers were in full bloom and I had to watch my step to let frogs pass by. It was hard for me to take in. Luckily, the monks were speaking Korean to one another, so I got to wander. I played a game to see how long I could lookout without seeing a butterfly, it never took too long. Mostly, pure white butterflies. I kept thinking how much I don't ever want to forget any of these details. 

Once we reached the top, I was overwhelmed. The temple was perfectly caved into the Jirisan Mountains. In order to see the skyline, you literally had to look directly up. I wish I had better language to describe it, but it was something to see. Sig Nam must have known how powerful the scenery was, because he left me alone to take it all in. I sent gratitude prayers toward the mountains. 

I know love is on my side. I know I am blessed to have this moment. I thank all the forces that worked together to allow this. I am connected. I am grateful. I am full. I am humbled. I am a true fan of your works, God. Please allow this moment to always be a reference to Your realness. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

That was the first time I had cried that meaningfully in awhile. It was refreshing. I went back to meet with my new friends. He offered me more tea, and the four of us went inside. There was another Korean man that showed up who spent time in Canada and he helped translate. With limited language, we laughed, shared pictures from our phones and ate mangoes. I was almost too comfortable. Sig Nam, stopped us in the middle of our conversation and stated it was time to meditate. He lit an inscent and we all sat up, lightly connected our index finger with our thumb and sat in silence for 10 minutes. It caught me off guard, but I went with it. Afterwards, I understood why it was important. He brought me off to the side to practice a deep form of vibrational meditation, and then decked me out in traditional Buddhist clothing. I was happy that he enjoyed taking pictures, so I could share with my family.

We later went down so I can tour the Tibetan Museum. It's was three floors of pure magic. Every painting, every sculpture, every artifact was so intricate. It was sensory overload. The translator told me how special of a day it was. He told me that Sig Nam was the master of the Museum and that it's very rare for him to mingle with guest. So, when Sig Nam offered to drive me home, I was honored. We road tripped from Daewonsa to Gwangju in small van, stopping to eat and tour more temples along the way. I began to realize how much of a privilege it was to be with Sig Nam, because everyone seemed to be humbled by his presence wherever we  went. When we finally arrived, Sig Nam had an engagement to attend, so they hailed me a cab to get to my destination. 

I juggled with the thoughts of 'is this really happening to me' to 'Ebony,enjoy this moment' the entire day. I couldn't dream up a better way to bring in another year.

beach camping.

Waking up this Sunday morning to the smell of fresh air, the sound of splashing waves and not single thing on my to-do list is a gift from God. I recognize that so clearly. I struggle a bit with trying to understand how I deserve to see the things I've seen, but I know it is earned and guilt-free happiness. Whether it is something I've done or mother has done or something my ancestors have done, I know it is an earned experience. Standing on the shoreline, I began to think about my elementary-aged self. I began to think about my siblings, and how far my mom has brought us. I guess that the effect the ocean has on you. It makes you feel your true size.

I've been meeting a lot of new people from different countries and different family structures. I was sitting alone on the beach, when a couple of foreigners came over toting a soccer ball. When you see English speakers-you speak, its a rarity. So, we engaged in conversation. Turns out they were from Canada. They had been friends since high school and have been living in South Korea for a few years. I mostly listened to them banter with each other and comically quote lines from The Matrix. We did touch on what brought us here and what we left back home. It's always interesting to hear those stories. Since being here, I met people from New Zealand to South Africa and from London to Australia. Each story is unique, but with a likeness to curiosity and adventure. Oddly, meeting such a diverse group of people is helping me validate who I am. I can be socially-awkward. I'm always aware of how much I should share of myself. Luckily, it hasn't stopped me from putting myself out there. Internally, I have been reminiscing a lot on my upbringing. It's easy to forget that my siblings and I are first-generation college graduates. My father was dealing with life in California, while my mom worked tirelessly to meet all of our needs. I've been having specific memories of the apartment we grew up in and staying over at my Grandma Heavy's place. As specific as sitting on my calves against my grandma's wall, peeling an orange and watching her sip coffee from her saucer. I don't quite know what it all means or what I'm suppose to take from it. I'm guessing I'm in the process of something. I just know my spirit is extra sensitive to all the gifts life has been granting me. I accept it all with gratitude.

I know I'm still the timid, yet brave- - curious, yet careful little girl who still doesn't like to get her hair combed. It feels good to be reconnected.

 

I love you to peace.

Ebony K. Ross

So far. 6.11.15

The I've been reading a new book that has me in a reflective mood.

I can't believe I'm in my 9th week in South Korea. I am very much still in the adjustment phase, but I'm steadily becoming more acclimated. 

I am also approaching my 28th birthday. This past year has been so full.  It's hard to believe this time last year I was in the process of uprooting from Atlanta, where I lived for three years. As settled as I was, I wasn't content. I knew like everything else, Atlanta was temporary. I've had this urge to live overseas, so I knew before life really hit me (kids & husband) I needed to create this idea for myself. From Atlanta, I moved back to New Mexico for a few months to prepare for my big move. As reluctant as I was to spend months back home, it was needed. Upon arriving home, I quickly learned how much I have changed since I went off to college in 2005 . I also noticed how much my hometown stayed the same. Good & bad. Graduating from an HBCU, visiting Africa twice, and living in city known for its' blackness; I grew within black culture. Those experiences evolved my perspective and helped shed some of the lies I had been taught growing up. I can stand taller in the truth and beauty of what it means to be a black girl in America. I guess what I'm trying to carefully say is, coming home with my new perspective admist all of the mainstream uproar on racism, police brutality and respectability politics- I got to see my town, my America in a different light. It wasn't all bad. Actually, it was mostly love.  I reconnected with a lot of family, and most importantly I got to spend time with my mother. I took every chance I got to travel. I visited college friends, went to music festivals, explored Texas, listened to Angela Davis speak, and fell in love with New Orleans. To top it all off, I fell in love with a remarkable man, who happens to be from my hometown. Talk about life coming full circle! It's fair to say 27 has been quite a year. I won't omit the fact that I had my dealings with the growing pains, heartbreak, confusion, and all the other ever-changing emotions the mid-twenties bring. It's not all fun. It's not easy, but you keep going.

back to South Korea

I wasn't able to sleep much on my 14 hour flight here. I was waiting on the fact that I was really relocating abroad to settle in, 9 weeks into my move.. I'm still not sure it has sunk in.  Nonetheless, I'm here.

So far, my experience in South Korea has been love. The people are gentle, the food is good, and the land is insanely beautiful. Unless you are in a touristy city like Seoul or Busan, there is not much diversity. I live in a smaller town. Luckily, it is in proximity to beautiful temples, beaches and nearby cities. I have my days where I ask myself what the hell I'm doing?, but I am growing to love my new life.

"Wherever you go, there you are." 

My friend, Ashley, mentioned that quote to me. It's true. You cannot use places, people or anything as an escape. As liberating as traveling is, I know wherever I land.. I will be met with myself. All of myself. The parts I love and the parts I'm still growing to love. It always humbles me.

27 has been loaded with lessons. Once again, manifestation has proven itself to be real. I also understand seasons more. I get the importance of gracefully enduring the growth process, while being mindful that your season is coming. I get why all the philosophers rave about 'being present' and being 'in the now.' Life is fleeting. It's important to be one with time, instead of always chasing it. I know ceasing the moment doesn't always come easy, but when I feel  myself going too fast or becoming too hard, I know I must slow myself down- get on my knees, sit in indian style, or open up my journal and send up gratitude prayers. I'm learning that I need to be less guarded. I know how important I am. I know that what troubles me, must be spoken. I know how important it is to intentionally and wisely choose my emotions. I know truth-seeking is tiring, but necessary. I know that when you face a fear, you become a little more free.  I can go on, but my eyelids are getting heavy and I have a feeling I may be rambling.  xoxo

 

I love you to peace,


Ebony

moderation reminder. 4.30.15

"You have enough inspiration to feed off of. Explore that. Don't hoard more than you can handle at once, because now it's seems as if you're running or hiding from your own light, in others shadows. Ev.ery.thing in moderation. Everything, dear. Now, go rummage through the peace that you have already collected. Go search you're own heart. You will soon find what you have been looking for. You will soon find your way."

 E.

Maya Taught Me.

3 life lessons from  

Maya Angelou

1. Just do right.

 "You know what's right. just do right.. the truth is "right" may not be expedient, it might not be profitable, but it will satisfy you."

 

2. Love Liberates.

"Love liberates. It doesn't just hold... that's ego.

Love liberates." 

 

 

 

 3. I am human.

"It's such an amazing understanding to think that the 'It' that made fleas and mountains and rivers and stars, made me. What I pray for is humility to know there is something greater than I."

 

 

 



Never Met a Stranger

A few months back, I had a very special encounter with my now-friend, Cedric. I was volunteering at Hurt Park in Atlanta, serving hot meals to the homeless with the Norman Spruill Foundation. As we were wrapping up, I noticed Cedric sitting on a bench and I took him some leftover bottled waters and offered him more food. He declined the food and I went back to continue to load up.

Something about his spirit seemed familiar. I was curious, so I went back to that bench and sparked up a conversation with him. My initial instinct was right, and we connected. I was really moved by our encounter and I expressed it this instagram post.

Since then, we have kept our promise to each other. We are both no longer live in Atlanta. Before we left, we were able to catch up over pizza and have since been staying connected through email. I understand our connection was rare, intended and timely. We don't speak often, but when we do- it's always necessary.

I'm moved by situations like this. To me, it's a blatant reminder that everyone and everything has purpose. It's hard to sum this up as a coincidence. I shared this exchange with my mother and she was inspired by it as well, so I thought I would share it on the blog. I'm a little weary, because I'm protective and I like to keep these kind of experiences close to my heart. On the flipside, I think it's a good reminder to not be so caught up in our own world. Especially, living in a big city- it's easy to overlook or write off a stranger. It's also easy to smile or show genuine interest in someone else's well being. Not to be so kumbaya, but we need each other. We're all made from the same grains and we are all out here trying to figure it out the best way we know how.  

September 23, 2014 3:32am

To: Cedric 

From: Ebony

You were set aside,  

At that specific bench,
At that specific time.
To remind me of life,
To be a guide
A sign
Aligned with higher power,

For hours,
We spoke
We joked
We finished each other's sentences
We were so present.
We felt the universe's presence.

I unknowingly quoted you grandmother.
You challenged my my mind to wander.
We knew we were something great,
One day to become even greater,
Reminding each other of our greatness.
Homeless,
You were,
in a literal sense.
Homeless,
we were
in a figurative sense.
22 years old,
You were.
Dreams and life in tote
One duffle bag full of hope
You were
Such a hope
Traveling the streets of Atlanta
With only Spirit as a compass
Determined to fight odds
Determined to stay odd
You did,
And you are,
still..
A star
In my night.
A rainbow
In my cloud.

I love you.

I hope you still feel my love

When it's cold.

My brother,
I hope you still feel the love I send you. 

September 26, 2014  3:00pm

To: Ebony

From: Cedric

OUR SPIRITS CONNECT

Through YOUR LIFE god sent Me a message

'An Invisible Individual' 2 the world in this land

Going all day without a goal or a plan

You came over, and wanted to understand,

why the world saw me as a bum, when you saw me as a man,

I'm scared because your spirit comes at times I want to give ( give up )

showing love wen I'm alone tellin me its time 2 Live

Its a feeling that I can't Explain

Physical High so I can't complain

Comes Around wen I go thru pain

want U 2 know I Feel your Love

n don't want it to change

I don't want it 2 go

I'm used to being cold,...

But, I love you

you motivate me

to continue

you make me work hard

2 chase Dreams n make em come true

When our spirits connect

November 22, 2014 7:17pm

To: Ebony
From: Cedric

just thinking about you, questioning to myself why you took the time to care about me in a world where everyone is so cold...why do you show love? its nice , id like to be around more peaceful people n loving n caring ppl n a better environment.. is there any advice that you wouldn't mind sharing with me?

November 23, 2014

To: Cedric

From: Ebony

Hey Cedric, I'm not sure if I can offer advice. I just know God is love and I strive to be that, too. 

I guess if I could give you any advice it would be to not let the world or hard times harden your heart. I always remind myself to stay soft. Not in a weak way, but in a way that allows my heart to stay open. I've been realizing that's nothing is really real and we are all out here trying to figure it out in our special way. You know? 

I can tell from the stories we shared that you are guided by The Spirit and I admire that. You're tough and resilient, and you should stay true to that. Try not to be angry or anxious about anything and trust your struggle because ev.ery.thing that is happening (no matter how harsh) is all apart of the bigger picture. And ev.ery.thing will eventually be ok. 

As I'm writing this, I'm talking to myself, too. 

Just don't give up, brother.. and don't be your own enemy.. and search for the good/God in everything & everyone. 

In the famous words of Tupac, "Keep ya head up!" :)

Think Intenly, Intensely.

Be proactive about finding inspiration.

Listen to whatever awakens your heart.

What inspires your heart

will shape your character.

To be proactive about finding
|| inspiration ||

 has to be one of the

most important things

you can do as a human,

as an artist.

 

-E.

Music Share ::: Kenzie May

I was listening  Mahogany Sessions
 (sn: a way cool channel to watch jam sessions)
 & ran across Kenzie May
 & she just went straight
down to the bottom of my heart.
 I don't know much about her,
but she seems like the real deal.

Listen & Love

lurk here 

No Love Lost

Love didn't lose. 

It never does.

Although, it didn't prevail within us,

It's still victorious. 

I may no longer be,

the love you once called by name.

I maybe changed,

But love didn't. 

Love still reigns. 

It still remains the same,

Outside of us.

We're not the Alpha, 

Or Omega.

Love was here before us.

It won't end with us.

We won't end with us.

And although it didn't leave 

As graceful as it came.

Please be careful not to 

call love out of her name.

I Love You To Peace

Ebony Ross

IG Share

Word Nerds, 

Meet @amberibarrache. I can't get enough of her witty truisms. 

::: Untitled :::

I want to forget all the the books and poems I've ever read, 

All the lessons I've made out of men.

I want to forget all the wisdom and right words, 

All of the advice my father said. 

I want to speak from my own heart with my own words.

I don't want to second guess a single thought. 

I want to give it to you.

Unedited.

Uninfluenced.

Real. 

No need for pretty words to disguise my intentions.

I want to talk plain.

But, 

I can't.

I would never know where to start to explain.

All the matters of my own heart. 

Unsure how to discern my truth from others.

But, when I do find out..

I want to speak to you.

Happy Girl, Happy World

  

Quiet Grief.

Try to laugh everything away,

Fake it.

Try to hide in love with men,

Shrink.

Fit the formula, 

Be standard. 

Break hearts until your ready,

With no pity.

Keep going, 

Unknowing.

Don't dig too deep.

Don't shine too much. 

Stay mysterious.

You're not suppose to know, 

They're not suppose to know.

Discrete. 

Keep secrets,

As if they never existed. 

Don't dare to free yourself.

Don't be too black. 

They don't know what black means, 

Or worse, they understand how supreme. 

Don't be too woman,

They don't know an untraditional version of one.

It may scare them.

Just stay quiet,

Please.   

Please,

Keep lying, 

To satisfy. 

Don't think.

Have some drinks.

Wake up heavy hearted,

Sink.

Then, do it again.

And again. 

Try not to think.

Please.

Try not to think.

Suppression will, in turn, be depression.

Depression will turn into lack of of self-expression. 

Still, 

Hide. 

Stay quiet. 

Just don't think.

Please.

Just don't think too much. 

I Love You To Peace,

Ebony Ross